Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
