I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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