i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
