i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
