I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
