Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
