Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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