Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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