Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
