He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
