Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
