Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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