Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
