i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
