but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
