Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
