It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
