We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
