i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
