i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
