And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
