just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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