bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
