I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
