I'm so fucking centered right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
