oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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