I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
