DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
