Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
