Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
