"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
