Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
