remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
