I think I am morally bankrupt
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
