the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Randomize
