forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
