batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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