sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
