finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
