im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
