So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I see more hoeing in ur future
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