hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
