Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
