Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
