Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
