Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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