i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
