laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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