This is not my ceiling
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
