The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He did a backflip because drugs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
