Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
